Interesting day - pretty uneventful - Very bittersweet. Today I turned 49. The last year I will celebrate in my 40's. I used to believe that being in your 50's meant you were "elderly". Although sometimes I feel elderly (physically) - most of the time I feel very young at heart. There is a sadness I feel today. But I'm not sure if its because I spent the day - virtually alone, with the exception of lunch with my sister and nephew, at my most favorite restaurant - Danielle's Creperie - eating my most favorite meal, (an artichoke crepe with a garlic toasted baguette, followed by a fabulous chocolate crepe, stuffed with strawberries, and topped with whip cream AND ice cream.) Yum! Being alone is not really the worst part... as my family did celebrate my birthday last night - but when I came home from lunch, there was a new Camry parked in front of my house. I caught myself fantasizing about it being my birthday gift, the keys left in mailbox for me to find. No such luck... an hour later the car vanished - I never saw the driver. But what was I thinking anyway? Nobody I know would give me a car as a birthday present. I am alone. I am not a special someone to anyone.... The sadness set in.
To top it off, two of my best friends forgot about me today. And so did my husband. How can you possibly be married to someone for 20+ years and they forget your birthday - two years in a row? It seems so odd to me. Forget the fact that we have been separated for 6.5 years... we are supposedly friends... we talk... we go out to eat... we celebrate holidays together... why do I care? I don't know anymore. Usually I laugh off his craziness, and make excuses.. I am so good at making excuses for others. I'm tired of it. It's just fricken rude, and hurtful. Take responsibility for the relationships in your life... whatever...
So today I am 49. Next year I will be 50. I have decided to be excited about turning 50. I made a commitment to myself that I will look and feel better than ever before on the day I turn the big 50. oooh... I've got lots of work to do in the next 364 days. Lots of weight to lose, lots of house to declutter, lots of organizing, and lots of money to make.
I asked myself - what can I give myself today that will make me feel good. I decided to clean my house. Nothing feels better than a clean house. So my gift to myself was a day of cleaning (with the exception of lunch). I got a bit sidetracked and painted a wall - but life is good. The house isn't clean yet... maybe tomorrow.
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Where is ya?
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